Secrets and Lies by Rhonda McKnight

Author:Rhonda McKnight
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Urban Books
Published: 2013-06-05T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 34

Jonah stood transfixed in a spot in front of the window. He looked at the clock on his desk. He’d been cowering in this office for more than two hours. Now he knew why he’d found Faith sitting in the dark. Something about a secret makes a person want to hide from light.

He reached into the drawer where he kept his bourbon. Something else that had begun as secret: his drinking. A real man would have a bar, but he didn’t have the courage to do that. He hid his liquor in a drawer as if Faith didn’t know it was there. Jonah picked up the bottle and stared at it for a long time. Liquid courage. Drinking worked for his dad. He seemed to have no problem letting everyone know exactly how he felt once he had a few beers in him. Jonah shook his head. He really was different from his father. He had a bottle now, and he still couldn’t stand up to his wife. Courage was a thing that really came from the inside.

Jonah poured a drink and took a long swig, eradicating the taste of garlic, mozzarella cheese, and chocolate pudding from his mouth. He would hate the headache he’d have in the morning if he had too many, but this drink was the only thing that was going to get him through the night.

Jonah carried the glass and the bottle with him to the sofa and collapsed onto it. The midnight moon was the only light. He peeped through the blinds and illuminated one half of the room. The other half was cast in a shadow. He loved the end of the day, when the sun was down and the moon was high. He wondered what that really said about him, that he preferred it when it was dark.

Faith knew. After all these years, she simply knew. God, how easy would it have been to tell her, but instead, she found out. And now she wanted to talk about it. She wanted him to share his feelings with her. Women.

The memory of his brother’s death and funeral were a cancer that had been eating him alive for almost thirty years. Images always pushed themselves to the forefront of his mind when he was working with a patient, giving a lecture in a classroom, talking to the children; even when he was playing golf. Always—the memories. They were a part of his soul.

Jonah knew he should have told Faith about Joshua in the beginning. But he’d kept it from her. What was it? Fear that she would see his weakness, he’d be transparent, and she’d begin to psychoanalyze him. No, he knew that wasn’t it.

He took another drink. He was ashamed of the fact that Joshua had died because he was poor. He was ashamed that poverty and all of its foot soldiers, ignorance, and pride had taken his brother’s life. It was just that simple. He even made his mother an unwilling party in his deception.

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